I am leaving Livejournal. Well, not really. I will still log in since some of my friends keep their journals private and I will only be able to read it if I was logged in too. So, yeah. My entries will be posted to my new home, wordpress.

http://vajarlmetdracula.wordpress.com



There. I always wanted to move because wordpress gives a lot of freedom in customizing websites. I didn't do it earlier because I thought I won't be able to import all my entries here, but when I tried it, I was able to. So, yeah. That's nice. :)

I'll be crossposting if I'm not lazy enough, but my entries will be at my wp account.

Bye. I guess. :)

Reposted from my Multiply account. I can't write something new because I have been very busy. Kidding. I am never busy. But I am always lazy. So, yeah, you get it. I posted this October 23, 2007. I was 18. My inspiration for this post had the courtesy of replying, even though he had no idea that this post was for him. His reply, however, was very irrelevant. Talk about frustration. Anyways, here goes. :)

Oh, and I didn't edit anything so the typos and other errors were retained. I changed the title because the original was quite lame.






Trigger: Brownout last sunday

hmm. ganyan nmn talaga kapag brawnawt. lalo na pag naubusan na ng battery ang cellphone at gameboy. wala ng magawa.

kung kelan kailangan kong matulog, hindi ako makatulog. kung kelan madilim, saka nag iisip. ayoko ng ganito eh. kaya nga pinipilit kong gawing busy ang sarili ko ngaung sembreak e para maiwasang mag isip.

 

 

 

"maayos na naman ah.. dapat masaya ka na.."

naaalala ko nung highschool. isa sa mga ayaw ko ay ang bakasyon. ayoko sa bahay. maraming nakakaalam nian, lalo na ung mga kaibigan kong marunong makinig. gusto kong palaging nasa school, dun kase ako napapalibutan ng mga taong gusto kong kasama, at ina assume ko, gusto rin akong kasama. walang masama, nakakatagal naman sila na samahan ako araw araw, makipagtawanan, at kung ano ano pa. tama na yun.

ayoko ng bakasyon.

nito nito lang mga nakaraang taon ko naisip na kailangan ko ng bakasyon. kailangan kong gustuhin ang bakasyon. minsan lang to noh. at pagkakataon na rin malayo sa mga bagay na hindi makakabuti pag na over exposed. parang nitrogen sa biochem, masama pag palaging naaamoy. (joke lang, hindi ko naman talaga alam kung nakakasama yan sa pang amoy. i quote marga "but still, you get the point." aheheh)

ngayon ayoko ng mawalay sa bakasyon. aylavet.

anyways highways, nageenjoy ako ngayon kay house. gusto ko sya maging tatay, kapatid o kung ano man. basta gusto ko sya makakwentuhanpalagi. ahehehe.

nakakatawa. pag may pinipilit akong ayuin, gusto ko matupad. tas pag nanjan na, mahirap naman gawan ng paraan para mapilit na baguhin ang pakikisama sa dating magulo na kasalanan konaman kung bakit nagbago dahil nagpupumilit akong umayos. walang nakakagets ng sinabi ko dito dahil ako mismo di ko naintindihan ang paliwanag ko. hmm.

hindi ko alam kung kelan dapat huminto.

hindi ko alam kung kelan dapat makuntento.

hindi ko alam kung kelan dapat maging masaya.

maayos na ba ang lahat? kelangan ko nabang maging masaya? ewan. sabihin mo lang.madali lang naman yan.

 

"ikaw ang may problema, ang taas ng expectations mo."

nung summer, naghahanap ako ng gagawin. ang boring. at dito nagsimula ang paghahanap ng bagong hobby, mag dvd.

aksidente ngbilin ko ang lost seasons 1and 2. nung umpisa, ayus lang, nakakaenjoy ang thrill. nagustuhan ko lang yun nung makarelate ako sa isa sa mga storya.

Episode: The Moth

tungkol ito sa drug addict na tinulungan makarecover. hmm. hindi naman ako adik. at kahit na paulit ulit kong sinasabi na ayoko sa mga palabas na dinadaan sa magagandang linya ang storya, nagustuhan ko yung sinabi ng isa sa mga characters. "moths are faster, they're stronger, they spin silk. it's really ironic how butterflies get all the attention."

saka eto pa: "i'm not dissapointed. i never expected anything, i just had hopes"(hindi saktong ganyan. ganyan lang ung message.)

sa House naman, may gantong linya.:

Dr. Chase: i love him. i just stopped caring about him so that i will never be dissapointed again.

nasubukan ko ng hindi magcare.. hindi ko kaya. (tae, pano ba itranslate to. ampanget tuloy)

sinabi ng kapatid ko last week na uuwian nia ako ng bigmac.

so inexpect ko na na pagdating nia ng bahay, magpapakalunod ako sa burger. favorite ko ang bigmac eh. pampalaki ng tyan.

pero pagdating nya, ang dala nia, burger mcdo. hmm. anliit nmn non compared sa bigmac.

dissapointed?

 

 

"kaya mo ba?"

ok lang ba sayo maging kaibigan si dracula?

sakin ok lang. hehe.

pano kung matagal kayong hindi nagkita, tas balak nyo magmeet sa halimbawa, isang farm.

isang farm na walang hayop. weird. kayong dalawa lang ang buhay don, maliban sa mga halaman at puno.

nang magkita kayo, nalaman mong isang linggo na pala syang di kumakain, uhaw na uhaw na nga sya sa dugo eh.

nagulat ka nalang ng bigla ka nyang sunggaban.

.

.

.

buti nalang, hindi ka nakagat, pili ka, flight or fight.

TAKBO!

 

tumakbo ka..

.

.

.

DEAD END

hinahabol ka ni dracula. ang wirdo naman, natatakot ka sa kaibigan mo. pero naalala mong gusto ka niang kaninin.

DEAD END

ang dahilan kung bakit dead end? napunta ka sa sulok ng farm na may malaking fence na kaya naman talunin, kaya lang may mga barbed wire saka maraming bubog sa kabilang side. so pag tumalon ka, sugat sugat na katawan mo, may bubog pa paa mo.

DEAD END

may nakita kang silver na krus. (oha, sakto panlaban kay dracula!)

ang tanong, kaya mo bang patayin si dracula?

kaibigan mo yun.. dati?.. hanggang ngayon?..

DEAD END

tatlo lang ang pagpipiliian mo,

una: saksakin ng silver na krus si dracula

pangalawa: tumalon sa fence na may barbed wire at puro bubog sa lalandingan mo

pangatlo: bahala na. tumayo ka lang jan, tingnan mo nalang kung talagang kakainin ka ni dracula o maaalala nyang "buddies" kayo. ampf, parang elementary.

DEAD END

walang magdadagdag ng pagpipilian. sagot, tas sabihin kung bakit.

 

 

"nagawa na nya dati, bat mo naman naisip na hindi na nya uulitin?"

nakatingin ako a ngipin ng itim na aso.

puti ang nakikita ko.

nangangagat ang aso. katangahan kung bat hindi ko naisip na pwede akong masaktan dahil sa lapit ng tingin ko.

pero katabi ng ngipin ang dila, na masaya kong kasama pag nakikipagusap sakin pag kailangan ko ng kausap.

saan ba ako dapat tumingin?

sa pwedeng manakit sakin o sa pwedeng magpasaya sakin?

puti ang nakikita ko.

isang hakbang papalayo.

isa pa..

konti pa...

isa na lang..

puti ang dating nakikita ko. may karapatan akong magulat na bigla ko nalang nalaman na itim pala ang asong kausap ko.

 

 

"kung ikaw na kaya ang gumawa ng paraan.."

wala pa kong nakukwentuhan neto, o, meron na nga ba? c kerbin ata. ewan, nalimutan ko na.

mula grade four, hanggang siguro mga 4th year HS, di ko masyado matandaan. di ko kinausap kapatid ko. haha. abnormal ba?

basta ganun,as in walang araw nung mga panahong yan na kinausap ko sya. hmm. ilang taon ba yan?.. 7 years. matagal din pala. sa mga panahong yan, kung nasan sya, wala ako don. pag nasa sala sya, nasa kwarto ako. kung may gusto syang sabihin sakin, na hindi ko alam kung bakit nya maiisipang kausapin ako dahil ayoko syang kausap, hindi ako nakatingin, mejo nakikinig, pero kadalasan nauuwi sa iwasan. aalis din ako.

para sakin malaking kasalanan ang nagawa nya sakin kung bakitnagalit ako sa kanya. hindi ko lang alam kung para sa iba mababaw yon. at dahil takot akong ma judge sa nakaraang desisyon, di ko na kukwento kung bakit ako nagalit. ang punto lang, abnormal ako. kaya kong tumagal na hindi kausapin ang masamang tao, lalo na pag sa mga mahalaga sakin yung pinakitaan nya ng masama. syempre pati pag saken.

masama ako? oo. siguro.

hindi naman patas ang mundo talaga, kaya nga full support ako sa proponent ng equity theory. at kahit anong mangyari, tutulong akong maging patas ang mga pede pang gawan ng paraan.

 

"wala syang pakialam sayo, ang feeling mo naman."

naalala ko nung highschool. meron akong kaibigan nung second year. barkada. itago nalang natin sya sa pangalang christia. ahahahaha. hi christia.

anyways, naaalala kong may time na nagaway kame. nalimutan ko na ang dahilan. lagi namang ganun. sa lahat naman ng dapat malimutan, yun pa.

nung 3rd year HS pa kame nagbati. at dahil lang yon sa recollection.

naalala ko yung letter ni eriz sakin non na may sulat na "babaan ang pride". ok. natamaan naman ako. kagalit ko ren ata si gale non. nadamay ako sa away nila nina anna. ahahahaha. joke lang. highschool talaga..

grabeng pride yan. kung san san pumupunta.

tas pag gusto ng magkaayos ayos, magsisilunukan na ng kanya kanyang pride. tsk. ayoko ng ganto, hindi naman masarap ang pride, kahit may paminta.

may mga oras din na naisip kong mas matapang ako. syempre buhat ng sariling bangko, dinahilan ko lang na mas mabilis akong lumunok ng pride. ako unang lumalapit. oha.

 

"pinapagulo mo lang."

magulo na ang lahat, dati pa.

hindi ako isa sa mga taong aasahan mong magsuot ng bling bling dahil lang lahat ng taong nakikita ko ay nakasuot non.

hindi ako ang aasahan mong mag aral ng salitang griyego dahil lahat ng taong nakapalibot sakin ayyon ang lenggwahe. lalo na kung bagong lipat lang ako ng bahay.

hindi ako ang aasahan mong maghanap ng alagang aso dahil lang lahat ng kaibigan ko ay may alagang aso.

at hindi ako ang aasahan mong mag exercise sa edad na 50 dahil lang ang lahat ng 50 years old ay nag eexercise

maladaptive?

siguro. hindi dahil hindi ko kaya magbago. ayoko. lalo na kung ginagawang kundisyon ang pagbabago para kilalanin ng nakararami.

 

"dapat siguro sya magpasalamat sa nakukuha nya, pano ba sya tuturuan?.."

hindi ko alam. pero sinubukan ko na, hindi nga lang direkta.

mahilig ako sa ganyan. wala akong inggit o kung ano man. gusto ko lang matutong magpasalamat ang mga taong binigyan ng kahit kelan ay hindi makukuha ng iba.

naiinis ako pag sinasabihan ako ng nanay ko na "maraming bata ang di kumakain" pag hindi ko nauubos ang pagkain ko.

pero kung ako ang batang hindi kumakain, baka mabatukan ko ang batang hindi umuubos ng pagkain nya.

 

 

"kalimutan mo nalang ang lahat.."

sige.. susubukan ko..

 

"ok. pano na ngayon?"

hindi ko alam. pano na nga ba? yung tanong mo ba e kung sa anong dapat konggawin?

 

"wala. umulit nalang tayo. kunware walang nangyare."

sige.

.

.

.

.

.

.

FLIGHT

tumalon ako sa bakuran. bibili nalang akong magandang t-shirt para takpan ang mga sugat na nakuha ko sa barbedwire. bibili ako ng magandang sapatos at malambot na medyas para sa mga paa kong natadtad ng bubog..

pero ano bang dapat kong bilin para malimutan kong sinubukan akong kainin ni dracula?..

 

Yep, I am one of those loser kids who made it to young adulthood without even experiencing or learning how to gargle. I didn't feel the need to anyways, but I remember there was a time when one of my younger cousins was staying at our house and before we go to sleep then I saw or heard her gargling. I was jealous, I felt like there was a body part that she had that I didn't. If little girls experience penis envy, I experienced uvula envy. Not that I don't have a uvula, I just didn't know how to use it to gargle. Actually, I didn't even know what body and/or mouth parts are responsible for gargling. Good thing I know how to use a toothbrush. You just insert those things into your mouth then imitate the way windshields wipe cars right? Or have I been brushing my teeth wrong all these years? I so need an adult to guide me.

It was just last week when I experienced this uncomfortable feeling in my throat. It was annoying, there were times when I woke up in the middle of the night because my throat was hurting. I had sore throat. Or not. I am not really sure since I have never had sore throat before so I had no basis. I presumed I needed to rest my mouth for a while, which would be impossible because my job revolves around talking. God, I hate being sick; or feeling uncomfortable. I knew I would feel frustrated for the rest of the duration of my illness (?) if I didn't find out where I got it. I don't even know how people get sore throats. Is it because I talk too much? If that's the case then I think I have to expect a lot of sore throats in the future. Which sounds weird because I only have one throat. Or do I? And what is tonsilitis? Is it the illness or infection that makes you want to remove your tonsil(s) because apparently they're useless? Anyways, back to the cause of my sore throat. My primary suspect was my co-worker who sits beside me and was absent for quite a few days because she was sick. Now that I think about it, it's a little weird since she skipped working because she had a fever. I don't know if we can get infections in the throat (I kind of got tired of using the term 'sore throat') from someone who has fever but who knows? And I feel better having someone else to blame because then I wouldn't have to attribute everything I don't understand to God, like what Catholics do all the time. I wonder how I got it.. Well, I sit beside her, I was behind her for 4 hours during the meeting, and I let her touch my slice of pizza with her bare hands. I wonder how?

Anyways, to make her feel partly responsible (I'm kidding, you), I asked her to accompany me to the clinic. I was really pissed with my throat that I wanted it removed, but I realized that if that happened I wouldn't be able to talk for a long time, so I was just pissed because it made me feel better. Talk about irony. When we arrived at the clinic, I was a little struck because I don't even know if there were medicines for it. I wanted them to give me Strepsils but I don't think they give them out, they're a little expensive. So I just expected them to give me one of those medicines that has unpronouncable names and you had to consult the internet if you really want to make sure what they were for. Hell, they could be giving you birth control pills without your knowledge. I went inside, and there was a big man who entered right after me. I let him ask the nurse first for medicine, I thought he was having some major illness because his face was so sad and he looked so pissed. Apparently, he too was experiencing sore throat. Wow. If I knew I had the right to look so pissed and grumpy because of my sore throat I would've done it and the annoying co-worker of mine whom I mentioned in an earlier post would get the impression that I didn't want to talk to anybody, hence he'd never bug me. The big guy asked for Strepsils, who knew, they actually give out Strepsils. But the nurse said that they already ran out. So she pointed at the Bactidol in the sink area. And I knew my fate by then.

The big guy used that little thing called a cup (?), poured some, and gargled with Bactidol. I wanted to get out of the room, but I also didn't want to stay grumpy for the rest of the day, so I stayed. After he was finished, he washed the cup and replaced it at the top of the bottle of Bactidol. Oh, and did I mention that it was humongous? The bottle? It was scary, in a way. Then the nurse called me. I already knew that they have no Strepsils left but I still asked for it. There was a little part of me that hoped for salvation, that maybe the nurse just hates big grumpy guys so they hide the Strepsils and give them only to angelic creatures like me. But I was just hoping for too much. She offered me Bactidol. And although there was no mirror I knew what my face looked like. You know how those actors in suspense thriller movies look like when they know that they're next in the chopping board? Close.

I went and gargled. Well, sort of. HELL I ALMOST SWALLOWED THE BACTIDOL! Those evil nurses! If I knew she wanted to kill me I would've brought my chainsaw along with me! It was embarrassing. Tears formed in my eyes not because I was so ashamed but because that's what happens when you get nauseous and feel like you put a whole fist into your mouth. Who knows what will happen if I actually swallowed a cup of Bactidol? It was in that moment that I realized that I had to learn how to gargle.

So I did a little research. You see, when you gargle, you have to make bubbles in your mouth. It is a common method of cleansing the throat, when gargling warm water and salt, if one has a sore throat due to upper-respiratory virus, infection or other cause. Gargling is practiced in Japan for perceived prevention of viral infection, however no studies have shown conclusively that this has more than a placebo effect. One commonly used way is with herbal tea or tea. It usually requires that the head be tilted back, allowing a mouthful of liquid to sit in the upper throat. The head can be tilted either by extending the neck or back, depending on what is comfortable for the gargler. Air is then expelled from the lungs, causing the liquid to bubble and undulate throughout the throat and mouth region.

Kidding. I wouldn't do that. Okay, so it sounds like I would but I really wouldn't. I just copied that in Wikipedia. Hehe. What I really did was I practiced in the bathroom while I was taking a bath. It took me about three tries but when I realized that I finally learned how to gargle, I felt like I made a discovery that scientists would kill to get their eyes on. Ticked another box in my lifetime achievements. This made me very happy. :)

I wanted to watch the UAAP cheerdance competition live. And I could've watched it, too. It's just that I had work today (Sunday), I know, my work not only killed my social life but it is killing what keeps me alive-- hence it's killing me. I have to find a new job soon. Anyways, I was less interested about it this year actually. Partly because I just graduated and what I experienced in college somehow made me want to forget everything that has to do with it maybe subconsciously and maybe because I didn't know it was today. One of my workmates asked me if I would like to watch it live at Araneta weeks ago, and I wouldn't know it would happen today if she didn't ask me. I said yes. Of course I would say yes. I love cheerdance competitions. And I knew UST would be doing good, the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe is almost legendary, having that 5 years consecutive wins. I miss being a thomasian. Anyways, when I asked her what day the competition would be she told me that it would be on a Sunday. And I was crushed. My shift is from Thursday to Monday; I work on weekends. It sucks so much that I even broke the monitor of the computer I was using. Kidding, I wouldn't do that. But I wanted to.

This morning I already accepted that I wouldn't be able to watch. It would've helped me if my friends stopped sending me text messages that varies from 'I am about to go to Araneta' to 'I'm excited'. I didn't feel bad. But I felt jealous. It was about 1PM that I realized that I can watch in the pantry, I did because we watched ASAP as we ate lunch. And I already knew Robi won't be at ASAP today because I am such a fantard. Anyways, that's what I planned to do. Watch at the pantry and skip working. That is very doable only there is a big chance that I will be jobless the next day.

I did anyways. But I only watched UST Salinggawi (Go USTE!) and UP Pep Squad perform. When I saw the UST crowd, I was stunned. I felt something different, the feeling told me that I should've been there. I should've left work and started cheering. I was there last year, I was watching live, and I went there with my friends who study at UP so I had to sit on the UST area alone. But I was shouting my heart out, I was chanting with people I didn't know, and I was smiling at them whenever a dancer from other schools stumbles. It felt good. Being alone but not feeling lonely. I was part of the crowd. And it was nice. Even if we lost. It was very unlike what I felt today.

I watched the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe alone. Well, technically I wasn't alone because there was a security guard eating (I was at the pantry) while I was watching, but whatever. I didn't have someone to tell what I thought about the routine of both the schools I watched perform. I watched UP too btw, I can't remember if I mentioned it earlier. I am too lazy to read back and too impulsive to stop writing. I was so sure that UST and UP would be the only ones competing for the title. I didn't pay attention to others. It was either UST or UP. Reclaiming the title versus defending the title. FEU and ADMU would be nothing compared to these two, looking back.

An annoying officemate enters while I was waiting for the winners to be announced. He is really getting into my nerve and I don't think he is worth this paragraph so I'd stop writing about him now. Anyways, I was waiting for the results. I just read the messages of my friends to my phone and in facebook that FEU was good. I wasn't convinced. I have this unexplainable dislike toward them. Even I don't know why. There were no messages about ADMU except that their routine was MJ inspired.

The 2nd runner up was UP. I was genuinely surprised.

The 1st runner up was ADMU. I was very, very surprised. I then felt something weird. A this-is-going-to-be-weird weird feeling. How weird is that?

1st place went to FEU. To FEU. And this is the point where I would sound like a sore loser.



Well, not really. I never really liked their Pep Squad ever since so you can't say that I am being a sore loser. I haven't watched their routine too, and I have preconceptions already so most likely they would never amount to what they got, for me. The ADMU was a surprise. I never expected them to. Considering how they did the past few years. UP was even more of a surprise. I really liked their routine, it was clean, only a few messed up (if there ever was since they were really good at making their mistakes look like parts of their routine). UST not getting any of the three highest places was the biggest surprise. And I can't even explain coherently why. It's absurd. Tsk.

I didn't feel any better until I went home. Maybe what I really need is someone to talk to. Someone to tell what I think about things to. Because I felt sad. Not because we didn't win, but because apparently, the college life I so wanted to forget is now leaving me entirely. And I just realized that I wouldn't like that. I remember the time when we went home from Araneta after we lost a game of Basketball from Ateneo. I don't even like Basketball. But I enjoyed it because I was with most of the people I like. It just sucks that I am stuck with watching the Cheerdance Competition on TV with my fucking annoying workmate.

Today is the 8th of September year 2009. Tuesday. My rest day, and apparently Mama Mary's birth day too. But I couldn't care less. Most of you, I guess, are already aware of my religious views. And thank God for spell check, oops. I mean, thank genius people for spell check. I have always been bad at spelling, I wouldn't know I spelled the word 'religious' incorrectly if it wasn't for that annoying red underline I always see when I write something. Yep, I am that bad at spelling. I once spelled 'bot' for 'bought', but that was because I was only told the word and not the meaning of it. Like asking someone to spell 'Cut' and he might spell 'Cat', depending on how you said it. But then again, I might just suck at listening and not at spelling. God, oops, I mean, MAN, I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Back to my rest day story. Well, it has been a habit of mine to go online every time I go on rest days. I actually should've been somewhere else, because I was scheduled for an interview today at a company I don't even know if I would like or if I would accept the offer if I get hired since people there seem old enough to be my grandparents. Well, that's how I see them, people who work in a company doing well enough but not aggressive enough to try and be known. So I went online, and everytime I do I go for a whole day without even leaving for a few hours. My record is 9 hours straight. But I learned better, I now take a bath and eat every once in a while. When I logged into my Facebook account, I had 87 notifications. Not unusual, my friends are usually comment bots and in one night they could make your notif box explode,  your personal emails too. I remembered that I sent a friend request to one of my biggest celebrity (well, sort of) crushes of all time. He is not that famous, and I like it to stay that way. I find people less attractive when they get too famous.



Okay, I can't get the image clear enough. I used paint of course. I am not techie, which is weird because I have always been geeky. Anyways, if you can't make up the word I encircled in red, that was the best notification I have received thus far. Stephen Fishbach accepted my friend request. Yep. I can be that cheap. But I don't care. I am really interested in him, and I want to find out more about him. Call me a fan or whatever, but yes, well.. I like him. He's geeky, he's funny, he's a little flawed, and he's human. And I already told you I am a sucker for reality shows. But I don't think I ever had a crush on someone as much as I have on him. I don't know. I am just very interested in him. I wanted to know how he was like before, and I find his way with words very geeky.. very sexy. Lol. I told one of my friends about it and she was, well, weirded out.


And I get impulsive when it comes to people I am attracted to. I didn't want to believe it, it felt good to have that illusion that you have total control over your actions. But I think I have proven to myself through the course of my lifetime (college life, emphasized) that I can be very impulsive.

Now I also have another excuse why I didn't go to that interview. It's fucking raining. It's fucking raining so fucking hard. There. I would never feel this entry will be complete without cursing at the end. Much like how I feel for myself now. Great.

People can really be an ass sometimes. And I say this with all the hatred and passion for that hatred I feel, and I start to feel this way every time I ride a jeepney and someone enters with a lit cigarette. I don't know how but the moment they enter the jeep, I start to curse as fast as I can the moment I see them. Faster than the speed of light. And I mean it when I curse them. For some reasons I hate people who smoke. I know, I get very judgemental, but my impression of them is that they are stupid as hell. Of course I know a few people who do, I have family and friends who do, and I don't hate them as much because I am morally and socially required not to but I am not as forgiving with strangers. I see someone smoke in the street, I glare at him. I am botheredf by the smell of it, by the number of people who die because of it, by the number of people I had to wish would die because of it, and the idiocy these people had to live with. These people who smoke inside public vehicles? Well, they get all the bad things I could ever wish for for a human being. Especially when they sit beside me. Sometimes I don't even care that they could very well hit me in the face because I give them such looks of loathing. I curse silently while looking at them and they could snap at me about freedom and all, but I am pretty sure if we would ever end up sueing each other, I'd win. Especially when I take a photo of that NO SMOKING sign right beside him. I know, I am such an idiot, my battery was low. Greg's (my camera) battery at least, I wasn't able to take a picture of the obcenity. Tsk. I could've slain my first smoker prey.

Enough about those filthy smokers *mumbles*. Yesterday I was riding a jeep, again, to work and a teenage boy rode, he was not very err, tidy. He smells a little, but that didn't bother me much. He didn't sit beside me. He sat, actually, on the I-don't-know-what-is, stairs? Anyways, he sat there. And I realized he also had a can of Bonakid which he creatively made into a drum-like instrument. Then he gave us envelopes. While he did, I saw that he had earrings on both his ears. His ears were kind of infected, well it appeared to be since there were areas of it that seemed darker than most of his ears. He played his drum-like instrument and sang a song I didn't understand. Then I read the envelope he gave me. It says, in a handwriting you would think of as a child's, this:

Mam / Sir

MA A WA KA SA BADYAW



And the moment I read this, I was disgusted. Call me mean, but this is not how things are supposed to be. Asking people for money just because you belong to a certain group of people who are thought of as less fortunate. It's demeaning, demeaning for all the Badjaos out there who work their asses off to earn money. I don't even know if that teenage boy really was one of them. And I genuinely think that other than the infections, which I might've just exaggerated, in his ears there was nothing else wrong with him. Go find something more productive to do. Make bracelets, sell Cobra energy drinks, help with a vulcanizing shop, anything. Just don't beg for money. It's annoying, and as much as I hate to admit it, it's so Filipino. Thankfully we do not see Filipinos abroad giving people in the streets envelopes that say 'HELP ME, I'M A FILIPINO.'. No wonder other people tend to look down on us, we look down on our own kinds and do nothing about it. We use people, their names and all, just to get by. And this is fucking pathetic.

I am begging all of you to please stop giving donations to these people. They could very well be a part of some twisted criminals and mafias. Please. Just please, don't. See, I can beg too. Now with the musical instrument..

I am twenty years old and I am still addicted to Neopets. Okay, say it with me: HOW CHILDISH! Oh, shut up. Lol. Anyways, I have been very unproductive this week. I haven't updated my journal for days, I have been very lazy and I rarely visit my friends' blogs. I don't know why, but my primary suspect for this is Restaurant City. Facebook's RC. As if Neopets wasn't enough. I go online only to play nowadays. I experienced a lot of writer feelings (I chose to call the feeling I get when I suddenly get inspired, maybe because you see a very beautiful guy or came across a pile of cement on the streets or saw an old lady cursing on top of her lungs, to write something, wherever or whenever it is, a writer feeling.) but whenever I get on the computer and am about to write something, RC distracts me. Before I notice it my writer feeling's gone. I also haven't been replying to some of the blogs I regularly read. And with this my dear friends, from the bottom of my lazy ass, I apologize. =) I think I will be busy at work also, which sucks because anything work related sucks the living sunshine out of me. I think my youth is being vacuumed into this infinite black hole of corporateness called 'work'. Bastards.

I finally created a twitter account. My main reason actually was to follow Robi with his tweets, btu then I found out that he doesn't update that often. Sad. But I'll be twitting anyways. As often as I can, or as often as my lazy ass can.

I posted this in my Multiply account last May 10, 2007. I know, it has been that long. I didn't edit this, so if ever you still see some typos or stupidities, please forgive me. Now you'll have an idea how I was like when I was a little younger. =)


Ang Alamat ng Manong-na-nakasabit-sa-kable-ng-kuryente-8657ft.-above-sea-level

(in short, ang alamat ng antenna)

 

Paalala: hinihiling ko lang na sa tuwing nandito ka sa pahinang ito at binabasa mo ang nasabing alamat ay isipin mong ikaw si manong na nakasabit-sa-kable-ng-kuryente-8657ft.-above-sea-level.

 

 

 

Gaya ng maraming tao na hindi malaman kung bakit napunta sa kagimbal gimbal na sitwasyon, nariyan ka, nakasabit, sa mataas na lugar. buhay mo ang nakasalalay sa bawat daliring nakakapit pa sa kable ng kuryente.

 

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MAGPASALAMAT?

kanino ba tayo karaniwang nagsasabi ng salamat?

at para sumagot sa sarili kong tanong: sa tao, sa hayop, sa pangyayari, sa lugar, at sa diyos.. masyadong mababaw.

sa'n ka ba karaniwang nagpapasalamat sa Diyos? sa simbahan? sa bahay? sa fx? sa jeep? sa kalye? saan ba dapat?..

 

ayoko sa mga bata.

ayoko sa mga batang makalat.

ayoko sa mga batang makalat at maingay.

ayoko sa mga batang makalat at maingay lalo na pag nasa pampublikong sasakyan.

nung isang araw, sumakay ako ng jeep. ayos lang, normal. di ako kumakapit sa kapitan ng pasahero sa malalim na kadahilanan: baka may nagtinga tas pinahid niya don. pauso yan sa ng mga kaibigan ko. sa tuwing may makakahawak o didikit sa "kapitan" ng mga pasahero, biglang pahid sa katabi, o kanino, basta kakilala, para lang tumawa pagkatapos. at makalipas ng ilang minuto, kakain ng siopao na para bang nakalimutan nilang humawak sila sa "kapitan" na pinaghihinalaan nilang napahiran ng tinga. haha.

eniweys, balik sa karanasan ko sa jeep. ayun nga, normal. napansin ko na sa tapat ng upuan ko, may nakaupong magnananay. isang nanay, isang batang babae, at isang batang lalake/i (pasensya na, di ko talaga alam hanggang ngayon kung anong tamang spelling ng lalaki/lalake.). ayus lang. normal. kahit ayoko sa bata, may dalawang nasa harap ko. hindi naman ako adik para magalit at may bata sa harap ko. ayus lang, di naman sila maingay.

napansin ko lang, parang anlungkot nung isa sa kanila, ung batang lalake. hindi ko alam kung inagawan siya ng kendi ng kapatid niya, o nanlalalaki ang asawa niya. pero malungkot talaga siya. ayun, pinabayaan ko nalang. di naman nila ako binubulabog.

makalipas ang ilang minuto, gumawa siya ng marahas na krimen. SUMUKA SIYA. katapat ko siya. SUMUKA SIYA. ok.. laking pasalamat ko nalang na kahit katapat ko siya, di niya ako nasabuyan ng lunch nya kanina. pero meron pa! ang mga sinuka nya na napunta sa damit nya, pinipitik pitik nya papunta sakin. hmm. waw. naglunch na ako. di ko kailangan nyan. at may ngipin ako, di ko kailangan ng nginuyang pagkain para sa hapunan. thanks nalang.

at sa mga panahong to narealise ko na kinakailangan din natin magdasal sa pampublikong sasakyan. para humingi ng pasensya.

 

 

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MAGDASAL?

pinapaalala ko lang, ikaw ang Manong-na-nakasabit-sa-kable-ng-kuryente-8657ft.-above-sea-level. so malamang alam mo na sagot diyan. *suhol*

 

nakakatawa ang bakasyon. last year kase hindi ko masyadong naramdaman ang bakasyon. at malaking utang na loob ko to sa german kong guro. pft. eniweis, nung pasukan pa, excited ako sa bakasyon. bat nga naman hindi? nararamdaman kong naghihintay ang A B buttons ng gameboy, nararamdaman ko na ang puyat na mararanasan ko buong bakasyon!! waaaaaaaaaa!!

kwento ko lang, ganto ang tulog ko nung mga unang araw ng bakasyon. nung una, gising ako ng 10AM hanggang 12AM. ayus lang.. normal pa.. tas di nagtagal, naging 2PM hanggang 4AM ang buhay ko. tas di pa uli nagtagal, naging 5PM hanggang 10AM ang buhay ko. baligtad na. daig ko pa ang call center agent, nightshift. at nagpapasalamat naman akong balik na ako ngayon sa 10AM hanggang 12AM. wala. kwento lang.

 

 

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MAGING MASAYA?

isang daliri ay katumbas ng buhay. alam mong kung babalakin mong ipahinga ang mga kamay mo, tuluyan ka nang mamamahinga. pero hindi lang yan ang kalbaryo, naramdaman mong may hangin.. malakas na hangin... paparating.. at tuluyang susubukin ang tibay ng kapit mo sa kable ng kuryente. kakayanin mo ba? makakalagpas ka ba sa isa ko pang kwento ng hindi bumibitaw sa kable?

 

ano ba ang dapat paniwalaan?

natatawa ako pag nakikita ko ang mga pulitiko sa tv. nakikita ko kase kung pano naging kakaiba ang eleksyon dito sa pinas. ang katotohanan para sa isang kampo ay kasinungalingan para sa isa. ang katotohanan ng iba ay kasinungalingan para sa iba pa.

 

naiinis ako sa mga taong ipinagkakadikdikan sa ibang tao na ang pinaniniwalan nila ang tama. kahit walang kumpirmasyon. na para sa kanila katotohanan. na ang maliliit na bagay na maaaring naging dahilan para gawin ng isang tao ang gagawin niya. na baka ganito ang nangyari. na baka totoo.. maririnig mo rin sa tono ng pananalita nila na siguradong sigurado sila sa sinasabi nila. na kung babalikan natin, lahat ay nagsimula sa haka haka lang.

kanina lang nagbabasa ako ng stainless longganisa ni bob ong. nabasa ko ang kwento tungkol sa mga teachers. bakit nga ba nung bata tayo, elementary, madali tayong naniniwala sa mga teacher natin?

dahil hindi pa tayo marunong mag duda?

naalala ko nung highschool. may isang teacher na talagang hinagaan ko ang pagtuturo. nakakatuwa, kahit anong ituro niya sa klase namin, masaya. ewan. english and lit ang tinuturo niya, at dahil lit, nagiging topic rin sa klase ang history ng iba't ibang bansa na pinanggalingan ng mga tula o kung ano mang dapat basahin namin na storya.

wala (ata) kaming textbook.

hindi ako nagpunta ng library para mag research, kalahati ng dahil ay dahil tamad ako.

hindi ako nakarating ng india, japan at africa, pero lahat ng itinuro ng teacher ko tungkol sa kasaysayan ng mga bansang nabanggit ay pinaniwalaan ko. pinaniwalaan kong totoo.

 

kelan ba tayo nagsisimula magduda kung tama ang tinuturo ng isang guro?

pagtapak sa kolehiyo? (wala, marami rin kase akong naririnig na estudyanteng nagsasabing: "di naman nyan alam ang itinuturo nya.")

habang tumatanda ang tao, totoo bang nagiging mayabang na siya?

dapat na bang ipagmalaki ang kakaunting karanasan, kapirasong tagumpay, at iilang pagkakataon na sinabihan tayong tama ang pinaniniwalaan natin? sapat na ba lahat ng yan para kontrahin ang mga propesyonal na ang trabaho ay maging tama, gaya ng mga guro?

 

ano ba ang dapat paniwalaan?

yung totoo?

alin ba ang totoo?

yung pinaniniwalaan mo?

yung pinaniniwalaan ng iba?

yung pinaniniwalaan ng nakararami?

yung pinaniniwalaan ng pinaniniwalaan mong mas maraming alam kesa sayo?

o yung nakikita mo?

sabihin mo sa akin, kung mawawalan ka ng paningin, mawawalan ka rin ba ng papaniwalaan?

may insekto ang kinain mo kanina, naniniwala ka ba sakin?

 

 

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MABUHAY?

nasa bayan ka ng mahihirap

kapatid ka ng kriminal

anak ka ng uto uto

amo ka ng kutuhin

isang bitiw lang, matatapos ang lahat. mawawala.

 

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, KAKAPIT KA PA BA?

 

 

 

Epilogue:

dahil hindi ka bumitiw sa kinakapitan mong kable, lumipas ang mahabang panahon at ikaw ay nabalutan ng semento. at di nagtagal, isa ka ng poste na kinakapitan ng kable ng kuryente. aba, malay natin, kung ang mga kable ng kuryenteng nakakapit sayo ay kinakapitan din pala ng ibang tao. na maaaring maging poste, kagaya mo.

And you won't even get arrested. Cool, I know (see photo). Please forgive Greg (my camera) for giving you a foggy picture. he's old, you see. Sometimes I wonder how he even manages to create a flash when I use him. Pity. Digicam replacements will always be welcome, if presented as gifts of course. Hehe. Don't worry, Greg will understand. He wants to retire ASAP. Anyways, it's amazing how everything we need is being given to us by people who want our money. Take SM for example, you want to go shopping but you can't since Yaya is out for her day off and goes shopping for herself? Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore!
 

SM Fairview gives you Breastfeeding Stations! Now you can take your baby shopping even when Yaya's out! Who cares if the baby freezes to death? That's irrelevant! Truth is, I find it funny. Imagine a number of mothers breastfeeding in a mall together. Hey, we didn't beat the Guinness Record and did the 'Sabay-Sabay, Sumuso sa Nanay' simultaneous breastfeeding for nothing! I don't really know how the stations work since I didn't visit it. I think it would be better if I wouldn't find out, let myself imagine, it's funnier that way.

 

+++++

 

Mom: Oh crap, baby's hungry. Sorry, I have to go to the breastfeeding station and feed him.

Dad: Breastfeeding station? Here?

Mom: I know, apparently they built some here.

Dad: Will there be other women breastfeeding too?

Mom: I guess so..

Dad: *stares* Can I come?

Baby: Ajijiji. Gaha!

 

+++++

 

Mom: Oh, baby are you hungry?

Baby: Ah-gahgajijiji.

Mom: Aww.. how cute. Okay, I'll leave you in the breastfeeding station. Go find a breast that will feed you. I'll be back in an hour okay?

Baby: Agugu.

 

Okay, so my journal entries will be 'public' from now on. I'll keep the old one's private, for contacts only, just because I am too lazy to edit everything. I will post on my multiply account, livejournal account, and facebook, through notes. I know, I hate it when people use FB notes for surveys and tag people. I think it's repulsive, and annoying. I am just saying.

I am taking my first steps, you know how I said I wanted to be a professional blogger? Well, I was just kidding. I love writing though, for those who don't know yet. But like in this entry, I am having a hard time thinking of something to write that will keep people interested and continue reading. What do I do? Eat fire or something? Haha.

I am taking lessons, don't worry. =)

I often wonder how I sometimes get too courageous to do or say something I never dreamed I would. Either that or I'm just too impulsive to even think about the future before doing something. It's a shame nobody ever gets it when somebody is too spontaneous, even when they say they like people who are. We are always afraid of having to face something that just came out of nowhere. We want things to happen just the way we expected them too. And that puts people who are too childish to think about what other people might say about them for saying something silly like 'you look terrible' or 'that's stupid' in the outs.

When the first person who said 'nothing lasts forever' said that nothing does, I think he was just being witty. Nobody would ever dare contradict. No one can prove otherwise. I think forever's just too long to prove. Things may last for a while, then you eventually lose them. Or they fade away because they are meant to. That's just how it is.

Days ago, I can't remember when exactly, I had the pleasure (or the pain) of having the chance to ride a jeep with one of my cousins. It has been a while since I last talked to her. I wasn't excited about it or anything. In fact, I was too tired to be excited about anything. It was late and she was just going home from school so I asked her what time did her class end. I knew then that she was perfectly coherent when she answered my question, but  I wasn't able to understand anything. I could see that her mouth was moving, that she was looking at me, but everything was a blur. I was that tired. A while ago I was able to experience the same thing. But I wasn't tired. It was a very different thing. And it too, was a blur.

I think I am smart enough to understand a lot of things. I am not being a self satisfied bastard. But some things are just beyond me. Things like influence, charisma, and eating fire just to be seen on TV. I believe I payed enough attention at school to learn a lot of things, and I think I deserve a better job than what I have now. But as my patron Dr. Gregory House said, 'People get what they get. That has nothing to do with what they deserve.' I learned to accept that maybe it was my fault that made me have what I have. Or not. But friendship... how could anyone think friendship is covered in the 'I deserve this and not that' whinings? Would it be enough to invest time, put a lot of effort in turning corny jokes into laughable ones for your friends' pleasure? Or does it go away as quickly as you say 'Nothing lasts forever'?

I know I had to tolerate a lot of things when I was being too courageous (or impulsive) when I said something I never should have said. It has been done. I had nobody else to blame but myself. But for how long should I tolerate them? Would I be smart or stupid enough to say 'I had it' and walk away? Or have I already walked away? Was I overshadowed long enough that I wasn't able to stand it? Or did things that I never understood, like charisma, kicked me out?

It has always been hard for me to accept that there are a lot of things that I would never understand. I'd like to think that I am a 'thinking' person, so this would be very hard for me to accept. But I've learned to live with it. For how long I would be able too, I would never know. I can't say for forever because I would never live long enough to prove it. I was taken by surprise. I didn't know I would be forgotten, or would forget people that easily. Did I deserve it? I don't know. Maybe House was right, that's not what it's about. A while ago everything went foggy because I was thinking really hard about it. Was everything worth it? Being impulsive? Where's that long moment of blur when I need it?

It has been a while. I have been very busy, not. I just had too much TV watching to do these past few days that I didn't find time to write something. Not that I have nothing to write about, I actually have a lot of things to write about. I will save some for future posts but one of the things I found out is that I am more of a TV person rather than a movie person. I watched the fifth season of Lost and House, the third season of Brothers & Sisters, which I have been waiting for so long to be released in Quiapo because I was watching it weekly-- per episode on Studio 23 and then something got in our way. The horrendous retreat we had when I was still in college. Oh don't make me remember those days. The worst days of my life, I call them. I was also able to finish watching the first two seasons of my new found love The Office. I'm in love with Jim Halpert and Pam Beesley. Seriously. I see a lot of myself in Jim. Don't make me start. Haha.
I am planning to leave work soon. I just need to find another job, a better job so that I can totally do it and finally learn how to make resignation letters. My job sucks harder than a magnet-powered vacuum cleaner does. I hate it. A highschool student can do what I do, it doesn't make me think, which I think is very important because I am now starting to think that I am growing stupider and stupider with every second I spend doing what I do. Someone save me. Of course I have people who keep me from resigning too. And other reasons, like money.. love.. Haha. Here I go again. XD I just keep on falling for the wrong people. Not that I am falling in love again. I just think I might, again. Back to the I'm-in-love-with-you-but-you-don't-know-and-when-you-find-out-or-I-tell-you-you're-going-to-stay-away-from-me-for-forever drama again. I keep on falling, falling for this insane drama I know I should never enter again. Stop reading, you'll just get bored. And I am writing nothing more anyways. =P

For those of you who are feeling sad, depressed, and very low, think about this: Danny Gokey was kicked off American Idol. Yep. The obnoxious, self-clapping, dead wife pimping douche is gone. I fantasized about him going home ever since the show started. I'm into reality shows, see. I don't watch a lot of them, but I watch enough. I get hooked, even though there are parts of me that are convinced that in some ways, the people behind these shows manipulate the 'reality' in reality shows. Not that I care too much. I'm enjoying watching these shows. Who cares what they do backstage. Also, Survivor Tocantins' finale will be showing tomorrow. Which unfortunately I may miss because of my 11-8 shift. I am praying for a weekend replay. Or else I'll be spending money renting computers to you tube the whole finale. Which would suck on my part. I am rooting for Taj by the way. I loved her since the beginning. And this doesn't have anything with her being the only black woman in the show. Well, maybe it does, but I'm rooting for her anyways.

I just watched Doubt this weekend. I loved Meryll Streep. I am so thrilled with her character that I focused really hard, pressing my glasses into my face (will tell you about that later), and listened to her every time she delivers a line. "I HAVE CERTAINTY!" *chills*. She's so believable I can't undersand how Kate Winslet beat her for that Oscar. Not that I hate Kate Winslet, I love her actually. The can't-understand part may have come from me still not have watched The Reader. I have to see that film. But as usual, I don't know how in the world I will be able to find a copy of it. Anyways, watch Doubt. I really recommend it. It's not a favorite-movie type, but it's compelling. You'll feel drawn into the story that the anger for nuns you so secretly keep for years will get the better of you. Haha.

I was walking inside my room when I stepped into something.. err, hard. It made a sound so familiar that I panicked while cursing under my breath. Yep. I just stepped on my eyeglasses. Wonder what happened to it. It broke into pieces. Kidding, but that is really possible. Considering how heavy I am for that poor little bastard. Oops. It broke anyways. The stems (do they call those parts that?) are now deformed, the little plastics that fall into your nose got detached, and the glasses popped out of their frame. Now I need a new pair of glasses, which I have to save for since they cost too much. Really, how can you say everything will be clearer when you have glasses when people can't even afford them. I checked the prices yesterday and the frame's prices ranges from 3,000 - 5,000 php. Really. I have to save for those. Maybe after a year I'll be seeing things clearly again, whatever.

Robi Domingo <3

I stole this one from  masterfedora  


A
- Available: Unless you take me. Until then, yes.
- Age: 20
- Annoyance: Anything Gokey. And sloooow internet connection.
- Allergic: I'm on a quest of finding one.
- Animal: Dogs.
- Actor: Edward Norton <3

B
- Beer: Sure.
- Birthday/Birthplace: Dec. 20, Manila
- Best Friend: I have a few.
- Body Part on opposite/same sex: Err? Probably eyes, just to say something.
- Best feeling in the world: happiness is nice.
- Blind or Deaf: Probably deaf.
- Best weather: I hate the sun when it kills me with heat. I hate the rain because we lose electricity because of it.
- Been in Love: Yes. Sure.
- Been bitched out?: Yes. Sure.
- Been on stage?: Yes. Sure.
- Believe in yourself?: Yes. No. Wait..
- Believe in life on other planets: I believe The Little Prince exists, so yeah.
- Believe in miracles: Not really.
- Believe in Magic: Harry Potter made me.
- Believe in God: Not so sure I do.
- Believe in Satan: Not sure either.
- Believe in Santa: Sure. I also believe unicorns exist.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: I'd choose not to. But please don't make one visit me just to make me believe they exist.
- Believe in Evolution: Yes. We do come from monkeys you know, and roaches before that.

C
- Car: I wish I had one.
- Candy: Chocolates.
- Cake or pie: Cake.

D
- Day or Night: Night
- Dream vehicle: Magic Carpet? Nah.
- Danced: Yes, I have feet.
- Dance in the rain?: Now that's a good idea.
- Dance in the middle of the street?: Yes, when I was a kid.

E
- Eggs: Sunny side up, please. And make it fast
- Eyes: I have eyes. Shouldn't I?
- Everyone has: what everybody else doesn't have.
- Ever failed a class?: Zoology. I actually dreamed about being a vet when I was still a child. The nerve.

F
- First crush: I can't rmember. Probably one of my friends in the neighborhood.
- Full name: Jan Carlo Furio Caduldulan
- First thoughts waking up: Yaaawwn. Yep, I just think about yawning, I don't actually do it.
- Food: PIZZA!

G
- Greatest Fear: Danny Gokey will win American Idol. Wait.. he already left. That makes me fearless then! Hooo ha!
- Gum: I don't do gums
- Get along with your parents?: Not really.

H
- Hair Colour: I'd like to call it 'Jet Black'
- Height: 5' 6"
- Happy: I get my share of happiness
- Holidays: Double pay!
- How do you want to die: I'd like someone to kill me when I asked for it
- Hate: Homophobes. And peple who smoke inside public vehicles

I
am your father. No, seriously.

J
- Jewelry: Not into them

K
- Kids: Please. I'd like to order two.
- Kickboxing or karate: What? I'm a samurai!
- Keep a journal?: I used to

L
- Longest Car Ride: Don't remember, or do I have something to remember?
- Love: You
- Letter: V
- Laughed so hard you cried: I have, a few times
- Love at first sight: *looks around* Nope. Not now.

M
- Milk flavour: Milk has flavours?
- Movie: Toy Story 2
- Mooned anyone?: Guess
- Marriage: You asking me?
- Motion sickness?: Never
- McD's or BK: BigMacs rule! Bwahahahaha

N
- Number of Siblings: One. And it's enough
- Number of Piercings: None
- Number: Twelve

O
- Overused Phrases: At work: "Harsh!" oops, that's not a phrase. At home: "Wala na tayong pera" Lol.
- One wish: Love. Ewww, gross.
- One phobia: Love. Ewwww, double gross.

P
- Place you'd like to live: Japan
- Pepsi/Coke: Coke light

Q
- Quail: Cholesterol. Kwek kwek
- Questionnaires: This one? Then I never really saw a single question mark.

R
- Reason to cry: Is there a reason not to? You are goddamn irrelevant in this world dammit!
- Reality T.V.: American Idol and Survivor for me
- Radio Station: Balasubas at Balahura
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: I just tried

S
- Song: Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz
- Shoe size: 9
- Sushi: I love sushi
- Skipped school: No. I never would've allowed it
- Slept outside: Do beaches count?
- Seen a dead body?: Yes
- Smoked?: Haha. That's funny. Next thing you'll ask me is if I ever ate dung pie.
- Skinny dipped?: I will if Edward Norton will go with me.
- Shower daily?: I try to
- Sing well?: Let me
- In the shower?: I don't sing in the shower. Well, not if anyone can hear me.
- Swear?: Yes
- Stuffed Animals?: I have too much in my room actually, you want one?
- Single/Group dates: Let me try
- Strawberries/Blueberries: I'm an apple person
- Scientists need to invent: "A mute button for stupid people." Lol.

T
- Time for bed: It's 2AM what are you talking about?
- Thunderstorms: Scare me
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: Errr..

U
- Unpredictable: Most of the time
- Understanding?: I keep it on my own

V
- Vegetable you hate: Okra.
- Vegetable you love: Squash
- Vacation spot: I want to try Hawaii someday. Maybe 10 years from now. Money doesn't grow on your nails you know

W
- Weakness: I'd say vices
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: I think they know better
- Worst weather: Storms kill me
- Walk with a book on your head?: I think I tried when I was a child

X
- X-Rays: None

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: I love yellow! =)

Z
- Zoo animal: Bear. If they ever put a PolarBear in zoos I'd volunteer as a Zookeeper
- Zodiac sign: Sagi.. Saggitaa.. How do you spell it dammit

This is the perfect time to cut ties. I am very tempted to delete most people in my multiply account just because I can't stand seeing some things. I'm not worried because my college friends never really read my posts, heck they didn't even read my gift. So much for friendship. Enough with the rants, it's weird though. I usually don't care about these things but I suddenly got pissed and want erase my account even. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But if in case I really did erase my multiply account, you can visit my LiveJournal account, for those who read my entries, though it's unlikely that I really would. Anyways, I am really thankful that I don't the the time anymore to let myself feel frustrated. I don't care anymore if they don't want to help me, I love how I am doing, I love that I met a lot of people, I love where I am. Now if I could just get rid of the goddamn past, everyone included, I'd be perfect.

I wish it was easy to move to another country. I'd love to move to US just to have TiVo. I'd love to move to Japan just to plant Cherry Blossoms on my backyard. I'd love to move to France to see women who don't shave their underarms. It would be a little easier if I have the money though. But I really, really would like to move to another country, take those who dont remind me of the A-hole most of my friends and family with me, and just be.


You know how people say you should not say anything when you are mad? Well, I always do the exact opposite. And to add to the opposite-ness, I write things when I'm pissed. Now I am thinking about changing my phone number. I really just want to get things over with by not dealing with them. That's kind of my style. I probably wouldn't do that, but nothing will ever be the same. And I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not. This may be the last form of communication I'd have with-- but I'll live.

If someone would ask me why I sometimes use GameShark when playing Playstation games, I wouldn't know how to answer, not coherently at least. It's a puzzle, I know it ruins my gaming experience, but I make sure I play games using GameShark after I finished playing it without using GameShark. I am a curious person, I always get the feeling of maybe try this and maybe this will happen, or maybe I'd just end up getting pissed with myself for feeling like a robot because I play not like how things are supposed to be played. Or do I just complicate things by reasoning out instead of just enjoying the supposed to be past time that turned out to be an instant entry topic. Why did I even start writing this?



Today is the Pacquiao-Hatton boxing match and I couldn't care less. I know, it's a big deal, but I really don't care who wins. Well, maybe I do. A little. But really, I won't feel more special if Pacquiao wins. I would be proud, of course, but then again I lose my interest as soon as a goldfish forgets something when it comes to sports.